This past week I was thinking about how Logan and I have been married for about a year and a half and how it has been the best time of my life. I've heard countless people talk about how hard the first year(s) of marriage are and felt so blessed to know that that was not our reality. On Friday, we were able to attend the sealing (marriage) of one of Logans mission companions and there were several things that came to my mind of what has made our marriage not only work, but keep it alive and happy.
1. Logan and I have established a pattern of prayer. Every night before we go to bed we say a prayer to open our scripture study and another one to close the day. This has brought much peace in our lives, especially on the days where I feel less than happy with him. There have been times where I have been upset about something he said or did and as soon as we pray the feelings go away and I am left with peace. I could bring those feelings up again, but why do that when you can be happy and let go of petty things. Neither of us are perfect.
2. Logan and I have established a pattern of scripture study. We started out each reading 5 verses each and since it has become a habit, we have increased to 10 verses. Eventually we want to get to where we read a whole chapter. This has also brought much peace to our lives.
3. Communication is something that we use as a tool. We talk about our days, the things that happen that are good and also that are not so good. We talk about our fears, hopes, dreams, disappointments. We talk about things we can do to improve. We express our love each and every day. We express what we need. This helps us always know what is going on and how we can be better as a team. There is no reason to hold things in, but express them in a calm manner so that the person doesn't feel attacked because you decided to hold in all these bad feelings for a whole week and then explode. Another form of communication that I believe should never happen is putting your relationship problems on Facebook and talking to others instead of your spouse. (It's one thing if you need to ask advice from a close friend) Remember that anything you say about your spouse to other people will change their perception of them and it can never be taken back.
4. We find things that we enjoy to do together and always find time even on the busiest of days to spend time with one another. Neither of us are into sports and not super into video games or movies. We enjoy playing board games, going camping, going on walks, cooking together, and experimenting new food. We watch tv show series and talk about them.
5. We intentionally try to show love in the way the other needs that shown. When we were first married, Logan thought that the only way to show love was through touch, because thats how he most felt love. I am not a touchy feely person. We read the 5 love languages book and sought to find out how we each show and receive love. When I was growing up my family was not very touchy and we weren't very good at using words of affirmation. I thought that words of affirmation was my love language and for a time it was, until I got tired of hearing empty words from those who claimed to "love" me. Now if Logan says nice things, I start to feel a little awkward and make a puking sound haha. Not that I don't enjoy it once in a while, but it's not my thing. Logan also realized that touch was not his primary love language. He learned that quality time was the top of his list. Touch was second so I have to intentionally cuddle him for 10 minutes a day or something like that. My top love languages are quality time and service. I also, since I was raised with parents who show love by giving gifts and providing for my needs (they were very affectionate when we were little, but as teenagers we were able as cuddly has hugging a board), really enjoy a thoughtful gift. Know how you want to receive love and communicate that to your spouse. Know how they want to receive love and intentionally do that.
6. We recognize that neither of us are perfect. When you get married, you have this blissful thought of how things should be. Often times if we are thinking solely of the others imperfections, our vision is clouded and we forget how imperfect we are. One thing that I learned early on is that Logan doesn't think before he speaks a lot of the time. He quickly will say, I didn't mean it like that and I believe him. I choose not to get offended and if he doesn't recognize that he said something rude I tell him and he will explain what he meant. Remember that as a general rule people do not do or say things to hurt you. I know I can be super annoying too and I can tell when Logan gets upset with me. Know your partner's pet peeves and try not to do them. Remember that you aren't perfect and remember that talking it out always helps more than yelling and screaming. It's totally fine to feel angry or hurt, but the way that you express yourself makes all the difference.
We live in a world today where marriages are thrown away quite quickly and easily. Our society is so accustomed to products having upgrades and when things are broken we would rather throw them away, than try to fix them. Be the couple that defies that. Marriage is a beautiful things. Countless studies have shown that those who divorce are less happy and they are more likely to divorce again if they get remarried. Be the couple that fights for your marriage. Of course there are always exceptions. There is no excuse for abuse or unfaithfulness. People have the ability to change and we should always have that hope, but if they keep repeating offenses or don't seem sorry at all know when it's time to leave. Also know that leaving the toilet seat up constantly should not be a reason why you leave.
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