Stop Shoulding Yourself.

The other day my boss gave me an article entitled, "Don't Should All Over Yourself." As I read it I thought to myself... this is me to a tee! Every time someone asks me to do something or I hear about something I "should" be doing this extreme amount of guilt comes over me. Have you ever experienced that before? We may all have to one extent or another.



When I was in high school my parents bought a Subway restaurant. There main purposes were to give us a source of income that was lost to my dad's computer business when the apple store came into the local mall, and to give us kids jobs. It all seemed really cool at the beginning.. but this was when my shoulding went out of control. I had always wanted to do the right thing when I was younger and always wanted to please the people around me. I often did what I should. When employees would call in sick, I took their shifts. When employees would quit, I would take their shifts. When employees dropped the ball, I did their work. It was my responsibility because it was my parents restaurant after all. This behavior though, became very destructive.


If there is one thing that I have learned about myself, it's that I am not made to work 40 hour work weeks. There is always that shoulding feeling that creeps up that says "what else am I going to do with my time" or "they really need me". Well then it ends in disaster... usually with a break down of some sort. It happened at Subway, and it happens at my current jobs. I start off thinking "oh, it's just a few more hours, no big deal", "if I don't then who will", "they really need me". About a week ago this all came spiraling down as I burst into tears. My client was being oh so difficult that day, it was Thursday so I had already been working quite a bit, and my hormones were all over the place. Their mom came to bring them something and I just couldn't help myself and there went my composure. I took a few extra shifts that week at my other job and that was just too much, therefore leaving me an exhausted emotional wreck. What good does that do for anyone.

These past few weeks I've noticed that my energy levels have decreased significantly. I'm tired all the time and don't really want to be around people. Because it's never just the 40 hours you put into your job, but the task of cleaning your house, making food, doing the laundry, being a good friend, fulfilling your church responsibilities, serving others, getting groceries.. the list goes on and on. Pretty soon you get to the point where the little time that you have to yourself is sacred and if anything infringes on it, you snap. So stop kidding yourself. If you have gotten to this point... you need to stop shoulding yourself.

If there is anything that I have learned, it's that there is a time and place for things. As an adult there are certain responsibilities that you have to take care of. For instance, you can't just not show up for work. If you don't do your laundry, it won't get done. If you don't build your relationships then they won't be there. But, we don't need to say yes to everything. If you know your limits, don't compare yourself to another person's limits and say you can do more. Don't get to the point where you burn yourself out because then you can't help anyone. Learn to say no to things. You don't have to feel guilty for putting yourself first sometimes. Be happy, be kind, serve when you can, do what you can, but don't overdo it. Sure life is just going to be tough sometimes. That's how we grow. But, don't kill yourself shoulding your life away.