My two worlds combine.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you wish that you could just crawl under a rock and stay there? Welcome to the last few days of my existence. Quite possibly it could have much to do with the fact that my transition from New York to Idaho is always a severe whorl wind of differences. For the majority of my life I live in Rexburg, Idaho, which we all consider the Mormon "bubble". Here there is our school, a bowling alley, several movie theaters, a putt putt golf/ laser tag place, many fast food restaurants, churches on every block, and a beautiful temple on the south side of campus that you can see for miles. You will never see a tattoo parlor, a bar/ liquor store, or any form of vandalizing activity of the body or spirit anywhere near our protective system. On the contrary, the rest of my year is spent in a town large enough to be its own city, Webster, New York. Now don't get me wrong, I have always loved New York and I consider myself an east coast girl; Fun loving, down to earth, got it all together kind of person. In Webster, "where life is worth living" apparently, there is everything you could ever imagine. We don't have to ever leave unless on the rare occasion, a different town offers a better service. There, rude is the norm and you are likely to run into at least 2 or 3 people a day who just want to make you as miserable as they feel everyday. Everyone drinks, everyone smokes, there are drugs everywhere, piercing's and tattoos are constantly flaunted, and the F word consumes half of a normal sentence. Pretty much they are two totally different worlds and they DO NOT mix well at all. There is no happy medium, and there will never be a joining point that will be even close to acceptable. After a five month long battle of turning down drink after drink, and cig after cig, the casual statements of "no one will ever know", and the twisted ways that guys use to get into my pants, all on top of trying to help manage my parents two subway restaurants, I was over my breaking point. Honestly, how do these people think I can stay sane? Although saying NO gets easier and easier every time, it still doesn't help the fact that people just do not get the hint. Yes you could say that I put myself into situations to challenge my faith and it definitely worked. The scary thing is that I honestly asked myself the same question's that confounded my thoughts through my younger teenage years. What is the point of this fight? If I could do this, if I could do that, imagine how much different my life would be. Now most people say that there is such thing as a mid life crisis that people fall into, but at the age of 19 i hardly fit that category. Instead I like to call it my crazy stage, that was slightly rebellious, but not enough to drag me into bad habits again. I started listening to rock music, punk rock and indie, which totally made me analyze life around me. I had the thought of following my idol, Hayley Williams, in a flaming orange hair escapade, getting my eyebrow, nose, marilyn monroe pierced, and even getting a tattoo on my wrist.

 I head banged and screamed to my music and even enjoyed the scent of cigs in the air, which haunted me. Call me crazy, but all the things that I have always hated became attractive to me all because of an interest in a boy that was totally opposite of me. His ears gaged, a tattoo across his chest, cig hanging from his mouth and didn't seem to have a care in the world captivated me. He knew exactly what to say, how to act, what to do to keep me wanting more and it became a high to me. Life became a high to me when I was in his presence. Although I knew this summer fling would end in a short period of time, my crazy stage was not yet complete. Only when things got broken off did I start to go over the edge. If any of you have had anything that gave you a high, you know that when it is gone there is nothing that can stop your longing save yourselves forceful push to move on to something better.  Ready for the rebellion that I caused? I ended up getting my belly button pierced, working out constantly, eating little and living life by the seat of my pants.

 School changed everything yet again in my life. The things that were so attractive to me are not anymore. I plan on taking out my piercing's, which include my web-ring acquired the april of my senior year of high school. Growing-up is the scariest thing that I have encountered, but the most rebellious thing that I can do now is go against all I have ever known and be different. I will never be a crazy Western Mormon girl who gets married after only having known someone for 3 months, but I will also not be a crazy East coast girl who sleeps around and doesn't plan on settling down until I reach 30. I plan on possibly going on a mission,finishing school, getting married and starting my family.. in that order. The dating game is very new to me, but hopefully I will get the hang of it. Wanna hear something really rebellious? My first dates here have not ended in a kiss, and either does the second or third. Whats rebellious about that you say? Well, from a girl who has loved boys ever since the young kindergarden years, it has always been such a struggle to not let them captivate me with their magic. I like it this way, which is the rebellious part. No attachment, and no commitment; Just fun, laughs and smiles. Thats my kind of rebellion :) I may feel lost in the new paths that I have taken, but this too will pass. Soon I will know myself and know my potentials. For now the unknown is completely terrifying, but the possibilities are endless.