Recently, I returned to college at Brigham Young University Idaho for my senior year. It has been an interesting transition going from a mission where you were always focused on others, to being home where I focused on others for my calling and then coming to school and having to focus the majority of the time on myself. Personally, I hate thinking about myself because then you get caught up into so many little things. Why do I tell you this? The thing is I have been feeling lately that I need to write down some pretty pivotal moments in my life and most of those have to deal with my conversion. I hope that the Lord can use me in some way to help someone through my experiences as he has used others to help me.
For those of you who don't know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But first a little about my family history because I would not be here today without those who came before me. When my mother was a little girl, her family went to church. They were very devout, but one day my grandpa stopped going. My mom continued to go, but has many questions regarding doctrine in her current faith. There came a day where the missionaries came to her house and she was extremely appalled that my grandma would ever let them in. Her church had talked very poorly of the Mormon's and she didn't want anything to do with them. She told me once that she would be so rude to them and not participate in their lessons. One day my grandpa (who ironically never joined the church) told her that she needed to stay for the lesson with the Sisters. She stayed reluctantly, but decided that she would stick them between a nail and a hard place with questions. Much to her surprise they answered all of her questions and the doctrine rang true to her soul. She knew it was true and she was baptized. Although her story is quite a bit different than mine, my mother and I share some common experiences. After a while in the church my mom left the church. Years later she met my father who had been raised catholic. They got married and a few years after that I was born. It was at that time my mom decided she needed to go back to church. She wanted to raise her family in the gospel. It took a couple years and the death of his mother, but my dad finally was baptized as well. We were sealed as a family in the Washington D.C. temple for time and all eternity (sealing is the word we use to say marriage, but it's a marriage vow that will not be broken by death, only by those who are disobedient to the commandments of God).
I had always attended church ever since I was a baby and I always believed everything was true. There was never a doubt in my mind. I always knew that Jesus Christ was my Savior and that He suffered, died and resurrected for us and that He has a perfect plan for us to return to live with Him, Heavenly Father and our families forever. There came a time though that the things of the world seemed so much prettier to me. I started to see that being a member of the church brought many trials and hardships. Things weren't always easy, in fact they were quite a bit harder. I saw those around me who were dressed in expensive clothes, who weren't the nicest of people and who didn't go to church on Sunday and their lives seemed so much easier. Around this time I started to wish that I never had become a member of the church and that I hadn't been born into a family that was. Why me? Why did I have to be born into the truth, and why did I have to know that it was true? It kind of sounds silly right? At the time it made sense. Little by little though I started wanting less and less to do with the church and more and more to do with the things that I knew were wrong. It got to the point where I was only going to church because my parents would ground me if I didn't, but I didn't get anything out of it at all. I didn't read my scriptures, I didn't pray, I knew it was all true, but I didn't want to live it, and I was doing things that I shouldn't have done. I will tell you one thing though, it was the darkest time of my life. The gift of the Holy Ghost that I had received at baptism was no longer present in my life and I felt completely and utterly alone. No matter what I tried to do to make my life better, there was no point. I had no purpose, I had no direction, I had nothing. Of course this had nothing to do with God abandoning me.. it was all me. I abandoned Him. I abandoned all that I knew to be true because it was hard and because the world looked so much more inviting. I thought I could play the system and find happiness in sin. It was all a complete and utter lie.
The day that my life started to change for the better was when my parents sent me off to BYU-Idaho. I went reluctantly, kicking and screaming. You could say "well Leisa, you didn't have to go." The thing that brought me to BYU-Idaho was the incentive that my parents would pay for my college only if I went to a BYU school or the local community college. I got accepted to BYU-I and so I went. I didn't want to leave my family and friends to go somewhere I didn't know, with people I didn't know and be in an environment that I didn't know. It was the best thing that ever happened to me though. Each day I saw a difference. The light that had once disappeared started to come back and I could feel Heavenly Fathers love and light radiating from all those around me. I had religion classes that helped me study the scriptures, and regular classes that incorporated the gospel, teachers who knew my name and cared about my progression, and great friends and roommates that supported me and loved me. All of these things helped me to become who I am now. Each time I went back home, I missed it here. I wanted so bad to go back to that constant flow of light and truth. Each time I came back to school though, I grew and became more converted to my Savior Jesus Christ. I had a roommate in my sophomore year of college who was a great example to me. Every morning and night I saw her pray and every night I would see her read her scriptures. It made me want to be better, so I started to do that as well. To this day I still pray in my bed with my butt in the air and face in my hands on my pillow haha. Another semester I had a roommate who encouraged me to go to the temple every week, which was an extra added strength. I held callings where I worked with family history and teaching. I felt apart of something and that light continued to increase. My junior year was pivotal to my life. In the fall I took a missionary preparation class, where the spirit was so strong and my love grew for missionary work as a whole. This then was preceded by the winter semester where I took a class on the new testament, where I felt the power of the Saviors words. At this time I had a roommate who wasn't a member and she decided to start talking the missionary discussions. I was the member present for all of her lessons and her baptism was the happiest day of my life. I can't express the joy I felt, but it was pure joy. I went from pure darkness and sorrow to pure joy. Opposition in all things :) After that I worked at a facility for those who are developmentally disabled and learned how to put others ahead of me. They taught me how to be Christlike in more ways than any other people I have ever met. At this same time I was taking a class on the family and how we as individual members of our families need to work to help the others. At this time I decided that I would serve a mission.
When I took the initial step and talked to the bishop about serving a mission, and to my student advisor about what would be best (to go now or wait until after graduation), everything started to fall into place. A girl literally walked into my apartment looking for a contract for the fall, I was able to drop all of my classes and get rid of all of my things. I went home, put in my mission papers (the application) and received my call to the Sao Paulo Brazil South mission. I was called to preach the gospel in Portuguese. What a blessing that has made in my life. My mission was the hardest time in my life, but it was the most worth it. I had so many experiences there where my faith was strengthened and so many times when the Lord answered my prayers in such powerful ways that I can't deny His hand in that work. I am so grateful for all of the opportunities that He has given me to grow and help His children as they have helped me. Now I have a fullness of joy, even in my hardships because I have hope that He will fulfill His promises. He has never let me down yet. Although man will let you down, because they are imperfect, God will not. We may think that the hard things in life aren't fair and that He is unjust, but I know that everything is placed in our lives for our good. We would not know the good without the bad in our lives, the happiness without the sorrow, the health without the sickness, the excitement without the disappointment, the light without the darkness.
My conversion is not over yet. Each and everyday I have to work at it and each and everyday I become more acquainted with my Heavenly Father, His plan for me, and His love for me. We have to use the atoning sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ in order to change and be better. At times it is difficult, but it is worth it always!
I know that Jesus Christ lives! I know that we all have the potential for good and for bad. My hope is that in my life that I will lack less of my potential for good and more of my potential for bad. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to him as two separate beings and that they restored the original church that Jesus established when He was on the earth through him. I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and that it tells us of His dealings with those in the Americas. I know that when we study it with the Bible we can know Christ. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is guided and directed today by a living prophet, Thomas S. Monson and that Christ is the head of it. As Amos 3:7 says, "surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets." He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He loves us all individually and more than we could ever imagine. I know that our families can be together forever. Not just until death do us part, but for all eternity. And I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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