There are times where I feel a little bit sentimental, where I want to write all of my thoughts down and hope that someone will understand me. This is one of those nights. So about 3 months ago I returned from an epic journey. Most people will ask "how was your trip?". I always give the same answer: "It was really good." Although it wasn't a trip, it was a mission.. I spent 18 months of my life with a name tag, skirts and dresses, walking in the rain, eating way too much, with someone by my side 24/7, speaking a different language, filled with joy, love, disappointments, successes, failures, learning, sadness... you name it.. just trying to share something I hold so near and dear to my heart with people that I didn't even know. People may think I'm crazy. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "did you get to go to the beach?" "what did you do exactly?".... yeah I know it doesn't seem like such a trip does it? I didn't get to go where I wanted or do what I wanted and walking around and talking to people about Jesus doesn't sound too invigorating when most of the people don't want to listen to you.
If you want to know more about how I really felt.. here's another blog.
http://sandandsunshine2.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-honest-truth-about-missions.html
She states it so well.
But anyways... coming back home... let's just say it has been the most up and down 3 months.. and not because I have anything particularly difficult in my life.. I mean life is pretty easy.. I get up at 9 at the earliest, I work at Subway (which my parents own), I have an online class, and occasionally I can see friends and family when I'm not working or doing homework. What makes it up and down is the uncertainty part... the "who am I?" "where am I going?" "what's going to happen next part?" I went from being with a huge group of 19-and early 20 year old's who just thought of one thing: missionary work... what are we going to do tomorrow? : missionary work... who are we?: missionaries.. what's going to happen next?: missionary work.. to who are you: uhhh Leisa I guess? I absolutely despise how pink my room is, all the zebra, my hair bows, high heels, flowery/hearts/cutesy/girly clothes, the fact that I have 48731084710 pairs of pajama pants, what's with all my favorite bands going pop... you know the whole adjustment period of changing and coming back to your old high school room.. where am I going? well I'm going back to school in January.. and graduating in July... what's going to happen next? I really hope that somewhere along those lines I meet my stud muffin prince charming best friend who will sweep me off my feet, which would make things a whole heck of a lot easier in this planning process.. but my back up plan is deciding which university and grad school program I want to enter. This translates to... I have no idea. I'm trying to figure it out.
I will tell you one thing.. I have built and awesome relationship with myself that I never have. I'm honest with myself about my thoughts, feelings, intents... and that makes it much easier to be real. I like myself as confused as I may be.. but that's good because how can anyone like me if I don't like myself? I've also learned a lot about people... how they think, feel etc.. because I am more likely to think about it and try and understand them as I am seeking to understand myself. It's been a good and interesting time.
One thing that's interesting is that at 23 people expect you to be an adult... but you really aren't quite ready yet. On the mission we were put with someone 24/7.. like I mentioned earlier.. and this person was your companion. I was senior companion for a year of my mission... and let me tell you.. I hate being senior companion... but like I'm seeing.. once you're senior companion... you're always going to be senior companion because people can count on you. Sometimes I wish I could be irresponsible.. like sometimes I wish I could just go with my friend instead of doing my homework assignment, or call into work just because... but I feel wrong about it... absolutely wrong. So my irresponsibility comes out in boycotting things at times. Sometimes I don't feel like going to FHE (youth activity on monday night) or sometimes I hit a deer... my first deer.. my first anything besides my garage when I first started driving.. and I just keep driving because I'm going to my friends birthday party and I don't want to deal with it. Or the fact that I have strep throat and just want my mom to take me to the doctor, but even though the antibiotic is making me dizzy I still have to call and go in again by myself and take a new one. They recommend gargling with salt water, which is the 2nd worst thing next to cat pee and porta-potties.. so I put that off like a champ, but end up doing it anyways because it will make it better even though I'm gagging and hating every minute of my life.. but that's the kind of irresponsibility that I am allotted. Things like summer flings and hanging out at a party you shouldn't be at just aren't acceptable anymore... maybe in your reckless high school days it was slightly okay... but now you're a returned missionary. Yes you live in your bright pink high school bed room with the same job and your prom dress hanging in the corner of your room and your senior picture staring at you as soon as you wake up in the morning.. but you are not the same person. It's kind of like salt water in a wound. It burns a little.. but you know you have to do it so you can be better.. so you can get where you want to be.
My name is Leisa Marino. I'm 23 years old. I live in my high school town, when my friends have all graduated and moved or have fancy jobs. I work at Subway. I am a returned missionary and I'm a Mormon.
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